300 isn't a date movie. But if you're really dying to see this gory adaptation of Frank Miller's gory novel about a gory Greek conflict, here's a few things you might say to help convince your special someone to go with you:
1. "Yes, it's incredibly violent...but it's choreographed violence." Just the word choreography makes everything seem more cultured and refined.
2. "It's a costume drama." 'Cause it's like Pride & Prejudice but with guys in Speedos.
3. "This film has a message." And it does. Unfortunately, it gets kind of obscured under all the dead people.
4. "It's visually sumptuous." Totally true. Everything from the spraying viscera to the Spartan dudes' six-packs looks incredible. (The soundtrack is nice, too.)
5. "But it's got the guy from The Wire in it!" This is the clincher. Everyone knows The Wire is, like, the best thing ever, even if they've never actually seen it, so this has to be a cultural high-water mark, right?
If any of this actually works, and you really do go to this bloody film, we suggest you soothe your date's shattered nerves with a postfilm chat about how you wished they'd focused on the smarter, more cultured Athenians instead. Those guys, who had other interests besides the complete decimation of the enemy, totally had their priorities straight.
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